In less than a month I will turn 41 years old and I feel like an 11 year old that has never learned how to grow up. I don't truly know what I love about myself or others. I know I love to sing, cook , read and journal. (Which is why I have so many blogs). I know that I love animals, always have, I love to cuddle, to talk and to play in the rain. I hate exercise but love how it makes me feel and look. I love people, I love to people watch, I love movies, I love to snuggle up when it's cold outside and rainy. I don't so much love the beach (mainly because I get burnt and can't walk on the sand). I love beautiful trees, I love the concept of beauty. I love music, I love to dress up and look pretty. I love makeup, perfume and clothes. Since I've gained back 80 of the 200 pounds I lost I don't so much feel pretty anymore. I actually love the concept of research and studying but get very lazy at doing it. I love to drink coffee (with creamer, honestly). I love dinners out with friends, I love kissing, writing letters and feeling loved and wanted. I love baking and giving special things to my friends, family and loved ones. I love being a mom even though its hard, I want to be someone's wife. I love teaching and am hopeful I will get a new job next year. I love creating and pulling things apart to figure out how they work so that I can put it back together. Math is my worst and favorite subject because I love having the opportunity to pull something a part figure it out and then work out the problem. I love true crime stories and dramas. I am in love with romantic love, I want to know what it feels like to have someone long for me in a way that only true love can. I am ok with so many different things but the one thing I'm not ok with is the concept of being alone but I want to be ok with being alone.
I want to be ok with just being with me, I am learning how to wake up each day and go to sleep each night talking to God. One day I was driving in my car, mooning over the wish that I had someone to talk to, that I had a boyfriend or husband to talk to. All of a sudden I realized that I have the all powerful God that longs to talk to me, I found that to be the way that my life should be. I need to fall in love with the Savior that gave His life for me.
